Well, in case you were wondering WHY I asked if you had read Twilight. My friend told me I should read it some months ago (okay, okay, maybe it has been a year now) and I was terribly disappointed. I felt like I had just read Sweet Valley High and the Vampires. But, I was also terribly intrigued. What has made this book so popular? Not just with pre-teenage girls, but with adult women? I couldn't put a finger on what chord exactly Stephanie Meyers was striking.
Then, a couple months later, Caitlin Flanigan's article came out in the Atlantic and she identified a few chords. (What Girls Want, December 2008) Primarily that adolescent females are highly emotional, vulnerable, volcanic beings. They want to be both carefree and fun loving like a child and grown women, masters of their own domestic domain and loved by a man. They want to be mature and vulnerable at the same time. This is intimidating, now as a mother of a daughter (almost two daughters). How can I lovingly guide her through this time of upheaval? The culture will tell her to surrender her heart, her body, her love for a boy in order to gain his approval and the approval of her peers. That she should throw OFF her womanly qualities and be, like a man.
What Meyers highlights, in this popular teenage tale of vampires of all things, is that a woman doesn't want to be LIKE a man, she wants a MAN. Genders have lost something of their mystery in the last feminist movement. Men will abdicate their authority and leadership if given the chance and women will always seek to usurp that leadership. Sigh. It is a constant tug in my marriage, how about yours? In Twilight, there is a boy who "loves a girl so much that he refuses to defile her". So, the heroine is loved. Not in the carnal sense that we are told represents love, but in the difficult, sacrificial, give up what you want kind of way. And THAT is powerful for an adolescent girl and a grown woman both. The heroine is courageous, competent and smart. She is not some dumb blond sleeping beauty walking aimlessly toward the spindle. And yet, she still wants this boy's love desperately enough to suspend her common sense. And he is worthy of it by being a man, the one in control and strong and denying his own desires--despite the advances or weakness of this young woman.
So, how do I model this for my daughter? First, she must see my husband loves me. In the deep, sacrificial way. Which is quite clear that he does. (Not perfectly of course, don't be ridiculous.) And for my part, I must encourage him in his authority and leadership. Not undermine his efforts, not contradict his decisions, but whole heartedly lay my own selfish desires aside to respect and serve him. (Some people call this submission, and other people think this is a curse word.) But how else can a marriage thrive? Through shared partnership and equal distribution of work? Don't be silly. We all know it won't be equal and it can't be equal. So, lets not set up ourselves and our daughters for bitterness. Rather, "let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works." (Heb 10.24) Remembering the great love that has been modeled for us. (Phil 2.1-8)
I actually am going to read Twilight again. (Believe it or not.) This time my perspective will extend beyond Sweet Valley High.
